Are you interested in taking part in a  phenomenological research study on fathers nurturing their children post-divorce. The title of the project is Fathers’ Experiences Nurturing Their Children Post-Divorce.

Over the last few weeks in class, we've discussed how important it is to raise kind and compassionate children. This is a skill that, as parents, we have the power to teach our children. Below are some great tips for how to see this happen in your own family. 


#1 Show Empathy and Kindness to Other People
Kids learn from you and whether you realize it, they are always watching. Be aware of the way that you treat the people around you, especially those in a service environment. Did a waitress bring you the wrong meal? Instead of becoming angry or snapping (even behind her back), be respectful. Try saying to your child, "She must be really busy. I wonder how she felt about bringing the wrong meal." Not only does this show your child to treat others with kindness, it helps them to practice considering the feelings of others.


#2 Thank You Notes
Set an example by discussing thank you notes with your younger children. As you write (no fill-in the blank cards for you!) open up a discussion by asking, "How do you think Aunt Jenny will feel when she gets this note in the mail?" With older children, help them to write notes themselves. Teens, especially, should be sending thank-you notes. 


#3 Be Consistent
If you tell your children to treat others with kindness, you should be doing the same. However, it is also important to point out mistakes to your children. If you snap at your partner in front of them, you can say, "That wasn't very nice of me to talk to your mom like that. I was feeling grumpy, but I shouldn't have taken it out on her. When she comes home, I'm going to say I'm sorry."


#4 Talk about Feelings
Help young children understand emotion by bringing into daily learning. When reading a picture book, ask something like, "How do you think the little girl felt after she lost her kitten?" You can also make flash cards by drawing different faces on cards and writing happy/sad/angry/tired to correspond with the face you've drawn. This will help children to notice their own feelings based on body language, as well as the feelings of others. 


#5 Make praise a part of the routine
Teaching children to use genuine compliments is a fantastic way to teach the use of kind words. At dinnertime, you can have everyone at the table go around and say one nice thing about each person at the table. It can be simple (like "I love you") or a thank you, ("Thanks for making dinner, mom"), but it will help children get comfortable with saying nice things to others. 


#6 Point out kind acts 
If you see your son sharing his crayons with another child, point it out. You can say something like, "Chris, that was really nice of you to share your crayons with Tom. How do you think that made him feel?" 


#7 Honor your child's feelings
You don't have to agree with the way your child is feeling, but it is important to point feelings out and show that you respect them. If your pre schooler throws a tantrum in the store, it's okay to say, "You seem really sad. Sometimes when I'm hungry or tired, I get cranky, too. When we're done here, we'll go home and get you a snack and we can lie down together." 


#8 Volunteer
Get your children involved in giving back to the community. This helps raise their awareness of the hardships of others and helps them see their place as members of community. 


#9 Appreciate differences
Help your children engage with those who are different from them. Expose them to movies, foods, and people who are culturally different from them. This helps them to become prepared for their time in the real world, so they won't be shocked when they realize there are other people who look, think, or act different than they do.

As hard as it is to believe, the holiday season begins next week! It's a busy time of year, but don't forget that this can be a prime opportunity to spend quality time with your children. 


Above all, remember to pay attention. It's easy to get swept up in the bustle of this season, especially when we're trying to balance work, family, and socialization. Take the time to greet loved ones, especially children, when they come in the front door. Put whatever you're doing down for five minutes (it can wait, we promise) and greet your kids with a kiss and hug. 


Remember that while kids love presents and parties, the small stuff matters. While it may seem like to burden to prepare for all these events, you can turn this things into bonding experiences. Have a gift wrapping party with your children or involve them in decorating the house. If you're cooking, allow young children to stir batter. 


Above all, it is important to remember that the holidays are a time to make memories. Make your own traditions...your kids will remember them for years to come. To this day, my family eats cinnamon buns on Christmas morning. Even as an adult, that tradition makes me feel close to my family. For one day a year, we have our own special club. 

Last night, in our parenting class, we spent a fantastic two hours discussing the benefits of consequences in discipline, both good and bad. Sometimes, coming up with easy and appropriate rewards can be difficult. Below, see some great suggestions (both big and small) to get you thinking! 


Rewards for Pre-Schoolers
- going to the park
- getting to "camp" in the living room for a night
- being lifted into the air 
- going out for pizza
- spending time alone with mom or dad (go to a movie, lunch, or just on a walk)
- going on a picnic
- going to the zoo or museum
- getting a piggy-back ride
- renting a movie
- choosing a seat at the dinner table
- a new book


Rewards for Elementary-Aged Children
- Eating out at a chosen restaurant 
- Choosing a TV program to watch
- camping in the backyard
- going to the mall 
- staying up late
- choosing the menu for a meal
- putting up schoolwork on the fridge or cabinet
- making a special craft with mom or dad
- having a special treat in their school lunch
- playing a board game with mom or dad
- a funny "thank you" card


Rewards for Teenage Children
- Having friends over
- dating privileges
- taking lessons in music, dancing, etc.
- getting to decorate their bedroom
- extended curfew
- borrowing the car
- bringing a friend on family outings
- a new CD
- gift-cards to go to the movies or dinner with friends
- computer time
- having a phone in their room/their own cell phone
- alone time with mom or dad

Sometimes it might seem that catching colds is an unavoidable fact of winter. Children, on average, catch up to eight colds a year. This is brought on by the fact that they're often in groups (at school) and less careful about cleanliness. As parents, we can aid our kids in avoiding the nasty bugs that take the fun out of this time of year.


Two of the most important things to remember: 


#1 Wash Your Hands
Teach children to wash hands correctly, or they won't be doing any good. It is important to always use soap and water for at least thirty seconds. Teach your children to sing a favorite song while they scrub, to make sure they're doing it for a long enough period of time. Hand sanitizer is a good option for children who aren't near a sink, so give older children a small bottle to carry around.


#2 Cover Your Mouth When You Sneeze
Teach your children to cough and sneeze into the crook of their elbow. Sneezing on hands does little good unless you wash your hands each time. 


If your child does end up with a cold, here are some tips to help them get over it more quickly.


#1 Allow a child to cough. Suppressants should be used only when necessary or instructed by a doctor. For example, if your child cannot get to sleep because of an annoying cough, a suppressant might be helpful. However, coughing helps expel mucus from the respiratory tract, so an expectorant (to break up mucus and make coughing easier) is a better option.


#2 Allow children to get plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids when ill.


Remember to call your doctor if...
- A fever of 102 F or more persists for 3 days or more.
-nasal secretions last for more than 10 days
- a child experiences facial pain
- ear pain (a child who cannot talk may tug at his or her ear or become very fussy)
- wheezing
- dry cough that becomes worse
- pain blisters around the mouth


These can all be symptoms of conditions that need to be treated by a doctor, so make sure to keep an eye out for them. 

Chores can help children build responsibility and feel like a part of your family. However, it is important to assign chores that are appropriate for your child's age. When a child can finish a task successfully, it gives them a chance to build self-esteem. Below are some ideas for age appropriate chores.


Toddlers:
-Tidying up toys: This is a simple task that a toddler can complete. It will likely take a lot of guidance, such as, "Becca, can you pick up your dolls and put them in the box? Good job! Now, why don't you put your book back on the bookshelf?" 
-Clean up spills: Did you accidentally spill some milk? Grab a paper towel and show your toddler how to wipe up spills. Most young children will find this activity fun and it will help to teach them to clean up messes right when they happen.
-Dusting: Place an old sock on your child's hand and ask them to pick up as much dust as possible from around the house.
-Dinner prep: Give your child easy tasks when making dinner, such as stirring batter or adding shredded carrots to the top of the salad.
-Laundry: Teach your child to place his dirty clothes in a hamper at the end of the day. 


Preschoolers:
-Making the bed: Your child can pull up the blankets neatly and place pillows back on top.
-Raking: Raking leaves during the fall is a fun and easy task for a preschooler. Just make sure to buy a small or mini rake that will be light enough to handle safely.
-Watering plants: Buy a small watering can and have your child make the rounds to the potted plants around the house.
-"Making" breakfast: Teach your children to fetch his or her own spoon and bowl, then pour the cereal and milk into a bowl. It might help to pour the milk into a small glass if you have a big gallon in the fridge.


Big Kids/Gradeschoolers:
- Load the dishwasher: An older child can handle the responsibly of placing his or her used dishes into the dishwasher after rinsing them.
-Set the table: Teach your child to set placemats, napkins, and silverware before dinner.
-Feed the Dog: Give your child a set schedule to feed the pets. It helps to place a measuring cup into the bag of food so that they don't overserve. 
- Fill the fridge: Ask your child to help you unload after the grocery store run. 


Tweens: 
-Walk the dog: Encourage your tween to get exercise and help out the family pet! 
-Grocery Hunt: Divide your list and ask your tween to help find certain items while at the store.
-Serve snacks: Teach your son or daughter to prepare their own healthy snacks after school.
-Window wipe-down: Hand your child a newspaper and some windex and have them clean windows and mirrors around the home.


Teens:
-Weekly Gig: Pick a chore from your list and ask your teen to do it every week. This could be vacuuming, dusting, or mopping. 
-Clean rooms: Ask that your child keep his or her room clean. Help your teen set up a schedule for cleaning so they don't get overwhelmed.
-Cooking: If your teen likes to cook, teach them an easy dish (spaghetti, tacos, grilled cheese) and have them prepare dinner for the family once or twice a month.Or, ask that they help prepare a side dish! 
-Errand runner: If your teen just got their license, they're probably itching to drive. Suggest they go pick up dry cleaning or more milk for you.


Good luck!